Forever and A Day

Snow x Lightning

Chapter 3
Snow:


Still gawking in horror as my bride-to-be stared affectionately into my eyes, I did everything in my power not to think of anyone besides Serah. But it was too late for that.

What had I done?

H-How…

Unable to stand Serah’s intent gaze any longer, I forced myself to pull away, perhaps to abruptly because I was no sooner stumbling backwards clumsily. Serah stumbled after me, her hands still holding on my arms, and bumped against my sternum. We staggered in an awkward dance where I was trying to escape and regain my footing simultaneously. Needless to say, I failed at both. Serah laughed, oblivious to the torment stabbing me in the heart when she looked up at me again with those eyes. Granted, how would Serah know that I had been imagining myself kissing her sister while I had been kissing her? Who the hell did that anyways?!

I was too busy berating myself that I almost missed what Serah said.

“A little off your game, Hero?” Serah teased as she steadied herself against me. If it wasn’t bad enough, now I was almost starting to hear Lightning’s voice instead of Serah’s.

I gulped heavily, my throat drying like sandpaper almost instantaneously. I cleared my throat, my voice sounding like a laugh gone wrong when I finally tried to speak. If Serah noticed my unease, she didn’t show it at all. Rubbing the back of my neck anxiously, I feigned my usual jovial grin. “Ha-ha, maybe just a bit huh?”

Serah giggled, “Do you need to sit down?”

“Uhh,” Roughly, I dragged a hand over my face wearily—mostly to avoid having to meet Serah’s eyes—and let my arm drop back to my side. “N-No, I’m fine.” I shook my head, looking up without meeting Serah’s eyes exactly. “I’m not sure what came over me. I’m sorry. The kiss was fine—great, I’m just…”

“It’s okay,” Serah replied kindly, intercepting my rambling, “don’t worry about me. Just take care of yourself for a bit.”

I laughed weakly, hoping the smile I was showing her was much more convincing. “Why is it everyone around here is so worried about me?” I asked in my usual humorous tone.

Serah looked into my eyes thoughtfully—it was painful, but I returned her gaze—, shrugging her shoulders ever so slightly. “You’re the glue that holds all of us together and keep our spirits high… I think its only natural we’d worry and care. Without you, so many people would be so lost. Me included.” Her words and sincere tone were tearing my heart to shreds, and the sweet smile she flashed me was a complete overkill. “So don’t mind us for wanting to make sure you’re doing okay.”

My jaw was aching, but my carefree grin did not falter. “And I appreciate that more than you guys know.” I allowed my grin to relax as I shrugged nonchalantly, “Maybe I just have some things on my mind. But they’ll work themselves out.” I grinned encouragingly, “They always do after all, right?”

Serah smiled, nodding. We were both silent for a while, and although I didn’t want to appear too jumpy or abrupt, I saw my opportunity to make a break for it.

“Hey Serah,” I started, trying to pace my words and sound as casual as possible. As if anything about this was casual or normal. “I think I might just need to clear my head outside. A little walk and the night air might help.”

Serah bobbed in head, “Okay, sure. Do you want me to go with you?”

“Nah,” I told her with a light shake of my head, “But thank you. I won’t be gone long.”

“Okay, I’ll be here.”

Judging my Serah’s wistful expression, I imagine she was anticipating me to kiss her. But instead I purposefully avoided her mouth and planted a firm kiss on her forehead. Serah lightly gripped my hand, giving it a squeeze as I pulled away and straightened up to my full height. I held her hand in return, smiling to her as I began to walk away. Our touch lingered and I held onto Serah’s hand for as long as I could, until I was too far away, and then we let go. We exchanged a smile, and one more just before I was out of the room, and then I turned and walked down the hallway. I tread normally at first, but as I made my way through the house, my pace quickened, as did my heart rate, until I was running and my heart was pounding in my chest, in my head—everywhere—like a thousand timpani!

Once outside, I skidded in my tracks, blowing up sand in my abrupt stop. The cold prickly night air sliced right through me, but I was too animated to shiver or feel the cold. As I glanced around, I noticed the lights illuminated from the neighboring house windows casting a warm reflective glow on the sand. Ahead of me, I saw a couple strolling in the surf, pointing towards the moon and laughing. They didn’t seem to notice or seem bothered by me, and I let the couple leave my focused gaze.

Finally I was alone. Finally I was free to examine the horribleness of what had just occurred inside just a few moments ago.

There wasn’t any easy way—scratch that, there wasn’t any way to describe my state of mind in that moment. Period. Never before in my entire life had I ever felt more confused and anxious than I did right now. Never had I ever loathed myself to such degree…

I just didn’t understand. None of it made any freaking sense! What kind of monster dazes out during a reconciliation kiss to fantasize about kissing that person’s sister… and then proceed to fantasize about it rather than feeling bottomless shame and guilt?! And I did feel bottomless shame and guilt—hell I felt much graver despair than just that. But for the life of me, the visual of Lightning’s mouth on mine and the tingling excitement it gave me would not go away. Why the hell had this happen and—dammit! Why did I want to experience that kiss again?

I needed to go somewhere I scream in frustration, but there was no place I could go without someone hearing me. But I couldn’t possibly hold this in anymore! I was going to lose my freaking mind.

Losing all edge of self-control, I forced myself to wander away from the main beach and New Bodhum. Cliffs and uninhibited wildlife surrounded the beach, and once I was fully secluded, I let out my internal war of rage and disappointment. I didn’t want to think about Serah or Lightning. I didn’t want to think about the dream, playing on repeat through my mind. But I did; I thought about it a lot and I became so hurt and angry all over again that I could barely stand it. I gripped the side of the rocky cliff, bracing my weight before slamming both fists against the concrete rock in a fit of frustration. The initial impact of my fist colliding with something hard felt good, and it gave me some sense of control. But it wasn’t good enough. Again and again, I hurled every screwed up emotion I may have been feeling, enjoying the grim satisfaction that accompanied each throbbing blow.

Finally, I stopped, holding myself up against the cliff wall as I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to regain my breath and steal back some piece of sanity. Around me, I heard the bristling sway of the trees, the hissing roar of the sea. With my eyes squeezed shut, all I could see was the darkness of the inside of my eyelids. Except that wasn’t all that I saw… Not when I couldn’t stop replaying that moment when Lightning’s mouth collided with mine!

I kicked at the cliff wall, the memories beginning to swirl wildly. I had lost the ability to determine what was real and what was not. What was going on with me? Was I losing my mind?! Was I really going crazy now—hallucinations and the whole shebang?!

Briefly there was a pang of longing in my heart, a longing for Lightning and—NO!—Just no! These thoughts had to stop! I was engaged! To Lighting’s sister no less! I loved Serah. Right? No, not just loved, but love, as in present tense! Serah and I had been through so much together and I had promised to be hers forever. You just don’t say those words to someone frivolously, and then take them back. I had meant it back then, and I still meant that promise. And these crazy thoughts in my head weren’t going to derive me from being with Serah. No way in hell. It had just been a dream and it meant nothing! People have dreams that don’t make sense all the time, and this was no different. There was nothing between Lightning and I besides our connection to Serah, and I was in love with Serah. End of story.

…At least, that’s what I tried to tell myself.

******************************************************************************

After a while, I sat down against the cliff wall in the grass, combing through my thoughts as I remembered in full clarity all the events of my dream. Slowly, I worked my way from beginning to end, from simplistic to the more complicated memories.

Lightning had appeared, explaining her disappearance was because of a rift of Chaos and how she was now Etro’s Guardian in Valhalla. That had been when she had told me about the paradoxes in time that intended to bring about the destruction of Cocoon. She had asked me to undo the contradictions in the timeline in hopes of saving Cocoon… But she had never said how? And what contradictions? How was I supposed to know where I needed to start looking for them, or better yet, what the hell was I looking for exactly?

Lighting had a talent of being incredibly vague.

Was I supposed to just figure them out for myself? Was Lightning going to guide me in my dreams to these paradoxes?

The thought of seeing Lightning again made my heart rate accelerate and blood run like smoldering lava. I saw it in my mind and felt it everywhere else in my body: the sex cracking in the air, the desire and sense of purpose that came with the kiss, the horror both of us experienced when the kiss ended. Lightning had reassured me it was only a dream and that outside of my dream, that moment we shared was non-existent. It wasn’t real…  Yet, for something that had only happened in a dream, it felt extremely real. The emotions and the way Lightning had made me feel, regardless of whether the kiss had actually happened or not, had not seemed made-up at all. And maybe that was what scared me half to death.

I swallowed, shaking my head as I tried to keep focused. Serah. I loved Serah. I was marrying Serah. Lightning was my sister-in-law and that was that.

To keep my sanity, I tried not to think about Lightning at all. The kiss had not been the important part of the dream anyways; Lightning had purposefully come to entrust me with a task to protect Cocoon. I didn’t need Lightning to tell me how to find these paradoxes. I would go out and find them myself.

But as I returned back to the NORA house, entering my dark bedroom to find Serah curled up in our bed, I suddenly felt hit with another wave of guilt. Not so much about the kiss, but about the prospect of leaving New Bodhum and abandoning all the people I cared about here. Serah had said it herself; everyone here depended on me and looked to me as their beacon. And now Lightning wanted me to abandon all that to go combat these paradoxes in the timeline?

I thought intently as I stripped out of my day clothing, washing my face with cold water to cool me down. Leaning against the bathroom vanity, I held my reflection’s gaze. The future of this world depended on me to solve these paradoxes. If I didn’t leave, then how would I really be protecting anyone? Honestly I didn’t have much a choice. But then I thought about Serah… how much she had already lost, and my heart felt weighed down with more guilt. I didn’t want to leave her behind, but I knew Lightning would never allow me to take Serah with me. It would be too dangerous.

In the end, I knew what I had to do.

Crawling into bed and sliding under the covers beside Serah, I tried to ignore the uneasy tightness in my chest. I listened to the bed creak at my every movement to get comfortable, but there wasn’t anything I could do. I felt guilty, so painfully guilty that every creak I made during my restless fidgets was going to disturb Serah, so I stopped moving altogether. Hadn’t I already caused this poor girl enough pain? Why couldn’t I stop torturing her?

Lying as stiffly as a plank, I stared up at the ceiling. Regrettably, the first thought that registered in my mind was of Lightning, followed by a wistful hoping that she would return in my dreams. I wanted to see her…I needed to—

I turned onto my side, curling up as the guilt cascaded over me all over again as I forbid myself from thinking about anything for the rest of the night.

I was an awful human being. I was just a terrible fiancé on top of it all.

**********************************************************************

Needless to say, Lightning never returned to my dreamless sleep that night… or any of the other nights over the next week. That was even saying that I actually slept. I mostly just stared up at the ceiling, my head throbbing something fierce and my heavy eyes never finding any solace when I closed them. Sometimes I actually forced myself out of bed and paced around for a while, but even my state of overtiredness, I was constantly wired.  

The day after my initial dream about Lightning, I made a trip out to the base of Cocoon’s crystal pillar, spending most of that day looking for some kind of a sign. Something I guess. The crystal pillar was really the only thing I had to go off of based on what Lightning had explained about Cocoon’s future destruction, and it was as good as any place to start. And that’s when I began to wonder if Lightning had spoken to Hope and Sazh about the paradoxes as well. Maybe in her cryptic way she had wanted all of us to join forces again to save Cocoon. Just like old time. Even if that wasn’t Lighting’s intention, it didn’t hurt to go see Hope and Sazh anyway. There were many things I didn’t understand…about the paradoxes, and the alternate timeline where she had actually immerged from crystal stasis with the rest of us. Maybe we could all put our heads together and figure something out.

In any case, we were all overdue for a visit.

With an actually destination in mind, I explained to Serah and the NORA gang that I was leaving to try to find Lightning and uncover what really happened that day. It wasn’t a lie really, but it was all I could really tell them. Of course Serah and the guys wanted to tag along, but I expressed in the best way that I could just how important it was for them to all stay in New Bodhum and take care of everything while I was gone. That was the absolute truth. I needed and depended on each and every one of them—Serah, Lebreau, Gadot, Yuj, and Maqui—to hold everything together. People had counted on me for the past two years, but now it was their turn to lead. I knew they could do it, and I believed in then.

The only one who still protested against me was Serah. I knew how badly she wanted to see Lightning again, but I was unwavering. It was too dangerous, and I reminded her that her students needed her here. She was hurt, but in the end she discerned that if anyone could find and bring back her sister, it would be me. She trusted me. Which was more than what I could say about myself.

I suppose that’s the real reason why I gave Serah my engagement pendant and told her to hold on to it while I was gone. Earlier that day when I was gathering supplies I thought I may need, I had passed by a mirror and noticed the pendant hanging around my neck. Just the sight of it was excruciating. To Serah it was a symbol of my promises of a lifetime of happiness; to me however, it was a symbol of all the promises I had broken and would continue to break as long as we were together. Wearing it while I felt such confliction about my feelings just didn’t feel right, and I wasn’t just going to wear it for the hell of it. No; if I was going to wear this pendant, I wanted to wear it without any reservations or doubts. I wanted to Serah’s in whole…because she didn’t deserve anything less than all of my love.  

That’s why I also made a promise to myself: to end these fleeting feelings for Lightning once and for all before returning to be Serah’s husband.

On the eve of my departure, I lay awake with lingering thoughts and questions about the new challenges I would face on my new journey. I felt guilty, but I was excited to traveling and to be back in full blown hero-mode again. It had been a while and I missed it. Whatever lay ahead, I was prepared for everything and anything…

…Except the increasing yearning to see Lightning again…

Yeah, I still was not prepared to deal with that. Quite frankly, that situation was more daunting than battling Orphan.

But I couldn’t help but wonder if I would I eventually meet up with Lightning again. In a dream or in real life. At this point, seeing Lightning had little to do with our impassioned kiss. I just needed to see her again. I needed to talk to her about the paradoxes… to talk about us, or whatever it was that I was feeling towards her… and to ask her if I was the only one feeling it. Because as sick as all of this was—particularly when Serah was lying right next to me—I had hunch that it wasn’t just me.

In any case, seeing Lightning again would set everything straight. Everything in our lives may have been one huge confusing mess right now, but I knew that one day everything would work itself out that the way it needed to. One day, everything would make sense again. Closing my eyes, I kept repeating that in my head like a mantra. One day everything would make sense again. Cocoon would be saved once again, I’d bring Lightning home to Serah, and then I would be free to move on with my life with Serah and have that big happy family I had always wanted with her.

One day. And hopefully soon.

************************************************************************
Lightning:


From Valhalla, I could see the entire span of time. I was a part of it, or rather, it was a part of me…countless centuries flooding through me. Everything I could sense… even the things I tried so hard to ignore.

Often I watched over my dear Serah. She was so strong, keeping it together and in fact exceling despite the sadness I had imposed in her life. First I had left, and then I had taken Snow away from her as well. Temporarily of course. I had no intention of keeping Snow... and certainly not romantically. He was all hers, and personally, I wanted little to do with that stubborn idiot.

I watched over Snow as well, tracking his journey while I continued my fight in Valhalla. He never really changed. Wherever he went, he was relentlessly gregarious and arrogant to the point of nausea, outdoing himself with his selfless hero routine and going out of his way to help any person he encountered. If anything, he had only grown to be more dangerous and irresponsible since last time. Even I didn’t think he was stupid enough to be made a l’Cie again after everything we went through, but no. He chose to be made a l’Cie again.

He was so infuriating! What the hell was wrong with him?!

Regardless, it didn’t matter. The situation with Caius Ballad was growing more and more precarious each day, and time was of the utmost essence. Against my better judgment, I knew I needed the help of the one and only person I could ever consistently count on: Serah.

I knew I had no other choice, and our chance to save the future of the world was now. I felt it the moment a young man called out to me. Noel Kreiss. He was the last person in existence at the end of time. He drifted, following the flow of time straight to Valhalla where he found me. I had seen him before in visions, fighting by Serah’s side and protecting her. I knew what had to be done, and so I ordered Noel to find my sister and together, for them to change the future. They were my last hope.

Gazing over them watchfully, I felt a bit more at ease. Serah finally knew the truth about where I was and what I had been doing all this time. Finally, she had been granted the peace of mind I had withheld from her for her own protection. But all my fears could never be put to ease. There was still so much risk, and I felt all of them rippling through the timeline each time Serah and Noel undid another paradox and changed the future. I did not want to think about the possibilities should Serah and Noel fail.

The other main source of my unease were the lingering memories my last encounter with Snow, and how it would affect Serah if she were to ever learn about what had happened. But it hadn’t happened. Yes, nothing had actually happened. But that still didn’t stop Snow in his never ending pursuit to get my attention. He would literally shout up at the sky, out in the open, demanding I talk to him. Other times, like just when he was about to go to sleep, he would softly repeat my name, asking for my guidance... Or in his exact words: “Light, I need you.”

He was so desperate to talk to me, but I wouldn’t have any of it. Did he honestly think I had nothing more pressing to do than sit around and answer his frivolous and idle questions? Besides, I already knew what that stubborn idiot would say and ask me, and I didn’t want to hear it. There was no point. He was practically the most cliché human being on the planet besides being the biggest egotist. I admit, he had redeeming qualities here and there, but not anything overtly remarkable. Still… Serah was in love in love with him and intending on marrying. He must have done something right to convince her he was that worthwhile…

Well… up until the moment he decided to kiss me and ruin everything.

I had never been particularly fond of Snow, but still, I could not fathom why even Snow would do something so despicable. Kissing me for no reason at all and betraying Serah. That was low even for him.

Occasionally, his words about mutuality still haunted me… that I had wanted to kiss him in return and had kissed him in return. But I knew his accusations were baseless. Because for one thing, it was just wrong on so many levels…Not least of which, Snow was my sister’s fiancé…

Besides, he was upset with himself and his absent conscious, and he needed to scapegoat someone to push the blame off himself. Making me look like I was just as responsible for that kiss was just his way of feeling less guilty and make me feel paranoid. Ha. Well, it wasn’t working, because I was well already on to him.

The point was, I would never in a million years feel in compelled to kiss Snow; he knew that and I knew that. There was never and could never be anything between us, and thinking about us being romantically involved was repulsive…

...So why was I still so determined to convince myself that that was the truth?

*********************************************************************
Snow:


I was startled awake by a sharp kick to my side. Springing upright into a sitting position, ready for a fight, my eyes locked with the menacing glare of my attacker who had been hovering over my sleeping form. All at once, I sensed the familiarity in those aquamarine eyes and my body relaxed again.

“Ahh, long time no see, Light,” I grinned nonchalantly, lying back down and folding my hands behind my head as I closed my eyes again. “Took you long enough to finally get back to me. What’s it been, a year since we last spoke? That’s hurtful, Sis.”

Lightning never replied, so I figured that I must have just imagined seeing her—like I’d done many times before—and had slipped back into a comfortable sleep when all of a sudden I felt her harsh grip on my arm as she tore me up from the ground like a deep-rooted weed. Staggering as my feet tried to get reacquainted with standing, I couldn’t help but gawk at Lightning. Saying I was caught off guard was a complete understatement. One minute I had been peacefully sleeping underneath the stars, and in the next I was wide awake with Lighting jerking me around. I opened my mouth to speak, when she pushed me again.

“Light—what the—?!”

Confused and startled, I had no idea why she was so furious at me or what she was doing as she roughly pushed up the left sleeve of my trench coat above my elbow. But then the obvious answer came to me, and I exhaled audible before Lighting’s antagonistic tone lashed out at me.

“What the hell is this?!” Lightning demanded, jabbing her finger at my l’Cie mark, the one I had recently been given. I sighed again, starting to roll my eyes before Lightning jostled me again. Her eyes burned into me. “Why would you do this?! Tell me! After everything that happened, you really think that making yourself a l’Cie is the right thing to do? Do you honestly think that doing this is what Serah would want?”

I had already known exactly what she was going to say before she had said it, and still she wasted her time lecturing me like I hadn’t thought through my decision. Honestly, she was the most cliché person in the whole world sometimes.

“Well? Don’t just stand there,” Lightning snapped when I hadn’t responded.

Exhaling wearily, I glanced down at my l’Cie mark already well into its fourth stage. Nowhere near turning Cie’th, but I was still a cursed l’Cie, same as last time. Except this time, I had chosen this fate for myself.

“Lightning, you don’t have to worry,” I told her, “I know exactly what I’m doing and I have everything under control.” That was not the answer Lightning had wanted to hear at all, and I knew that. I went on, “You might not agree with me, but I’m doing this to protect Serah. I never would have resorted to this if I thought there was any other way because I know the stakes are high. But hey, look at the bright side. Everything worked out for us last time. There’s no need to worry,” I told her with an easy grin.

Lightening’s eyes flared at my nonchalant dismissal. “How can this possibly be for Serah’s benefit you moron?”

My expression sobered as I held Lightning’s bright angry eyes. “Because when I fell into a time distortion, I saw glimpses into possible timelines. One of them showed me that Serah had died.”

The anger in Lightning’s face evaporated, being replaced by a complete void of emotion. At least, from what she let me see. But her eyes told me that she had known about this risk, the possibility that Serah would die while trying to change the future.

Trying to keep a tight hold on my emotions, I went on, “You knew that Serah’s life could be put in danger all along, didn’t you. And now you just decided to let her go in hope of saving the future. How is that any different than me risking my life to be a l’Cie as long as I’m doing it to protect the people I care about?”

Lightning’s anger returned, but she still refused to say anything at first. Then her expression changed, her voice low and grave when she spoke finally. “I believe in my sister, and I know how she is. She would have wanted to help, no matter what the risk. I wouldn’t ever want to out her in harm. But I truly believe that her and Noel can save the future of our world. If all goes well, neither of them will die.”

“And I’ll make sure of that,” I replied promptly, holding out my arm that displayed my l’Cie mark. “My Focus is to find Serah and to keep her safe. I’ll do whatever it takes to find her in the timeline, and I won’t leave her side because I’ll be fighting alongside her so that nothing bad ever happens to her. I swear to that.”

“That won’t do any good,” Lighting replied stoically, “You can’t help Serah.”

Furrowing my brow, I stared at her in dismay. “W-What are—no, of course I can. Lightning, I know you don’t want to after what happened between us, but you can trust me. I will save Serah.”

“No,” Lightning intercepted, raising her voice as her razor sharp eyes pierced mine. “I mean you can’t help Serah because you aren’t meant to travel the same paths through time as her. The Time Gates won’t allow you to follow her. Those Gates are not meant for you to use.”

“That’s bullshit,” I declared, shaking my head heatedly, “Fine. Then if those Time Gates don’t let me, I’ll force my way through. We’ve forged our own path before, so I can do it again. Nothing will stop me from protecting Serah.”

“Then you’ll be wasting your time and still end up as a Cie’th,” Lightning countered darkly, her words biting. “This is Serah and Noel’s fight, not yours. This has nothing to do with you, and as usual, you jumped to the conclusion that everything would be alright as soon as you jumped in to save the day.”

“Well what else was I supposed to do?” I shouted back, finally allowing myself true anger and frustration to show. “I’m not just going to sit back and not do anything!”

“You didn’t have to sit back and do nothing, but you sure as hell didn’t need to go get yourself turned into a ticking time bomb again the first chance you got!”

“I did that for your sister!” I roared, knowing that from this point on, it was just going to be a yelling match between me and Lightning.

“Yes, and without even giving any consideration to the fact that your Focus would be impossible to fulfill! You’re just the same reckless idiot you’ve always been!”

“Well maybe if you had ignored me and actually told me what the hell I was and wasn’t supposed to do we wouldn’t be in this situation!” And the thing was, it was it the truth. Lightning was always the one to point the accusing finger at everyone else when they were wrong, but she almost could never do the same to herself and admit when she was wrong. In her mind, it was always someone else’s fault for all the things that went wrong. But the truth was that Lightning was the one at fault for putting Serah in danger in the first place, and was also to blame for not detailing me on my responsibilities in this mess.

“It’s not my job to baby you,” Lightning snapped, scowling indignantly.

“Oh yeah?” I remarked, unable to mask my smart-ass tone, “So what exactly are you doing now giving me this long lecture, huh Light? You certainly went out of your way to visit me tonight to yell at me for screwing up.” I folded my arms smugly as I eagerly wait to see what she had to say in retaliation.

Her expression and ever more prominent scowling was priceless, and I could practically feel myself being burnt alive by her seething frustration. I had her stumped, and that bothered her to no end that I had put her in her place.

Lightning turned and strode away, coming to a complete halt a few feet away. I watched her, and finally, after a long lull of tense silence she spoke again in her normal stern, emotionless tone.

“I directed you to end up here in the Sunleth Waterscape, 300 AF.” As she spoke, I grew more attentive to her informative words. “In this timeline, there is a paradox I need your assistance with. Its name is Royal Ripeness.”

“Ooo-kay, I’m on it,” I agreed readily, “Where can I find this paradox?”

“You won’t be able to miss it,” Lighting said monotonously, turning around to face me again. “Hundreds of Miniflan from another timeline keep being pulled into year, converging into an enormous monster. That monster is slowly wearing away at Cocoon’s pillar and needs to be defeated once and for all. That is your paradox.”

I nodded, grinning with confidence as I slammed my gloved fist into the palm of my other hand. “Not a problem. That paradox won’t know what hit him once I’m through with it.”

“It’s not as easy as you would think,” Lightning corrected, still not raising her voice at me. She looked exhausted and worn down now that I was finally able to get a good look at her since we were no longer screaming at each other. Lightning went on, “You won’t be able to defeat Royal Ripeness on your own. Eventually Serah and Noel will arrive in this timeline and will meet you once they have corrected other paradoxes. Only then will the Royal Ripeness be defeated without the surplus of Miniflan resurrecting it.” She cleared her throat, her eyes livening again with a sense of urgency, “For the time being, I need you to keep the Royal Ripeness at bay and to protect the pillar. Doing so would not only help Serah on her journey, but also Vanille and Fang inside of the pillar. They are all counting on you.”

“And you’re not?” I teased light-heartedly.

The stale, weary expression returned to Lightning’s face. She exhaled, “I trust you to know what needs to be done by not being completely incompetent.”  

I chuckled at that, but that smile soon left my face as I watched Lightning turn away from me again like she was about to leave.

“Don’t let Serah down, you hear me,” she said lowly, in an almost defeat voice. That had been the same exact thing she had told me all that time ago when we were standing on that cliff on Gran Pulse… and then again, echoing occasionally throughout my thoughts.

I knew and understand what Lightning had meant by saying it again to me now, but still it filled with restless nervous energy that I couldn’t comprehend. Nor could I let it go.

Just before she was about to disappear, the outline of her body already beginning to shimmer and fade in a mesmerizing haze, I lurched forward after her and before I could stop myself, I grabbed onto her wrist. Lightning’s head whipped around over her shoulder immediately, glaring at me foully as she tried to violently shake me off. But I held onto her wrist firmly; not firm enough to hurt her, but enough to prevent her from going anywhere. Even though she was just an apparition, I hoped my grip was enough to prevent this dream from fading like the last one.

“Let me go,” Lightning snarled, still trying to tear her hand free.

“I can’t,” I replied simply. “Not until we talk. You owe me at the very least a few minutes.”

But Lightning didn’t stop fighting me. “Let. Me. Go Snow,” she said dangerously, enunciating each word with lethal clarity. But I refused, wordlessly shaking my head and holding my ground. I had waited for this chance for a whole year and I wasn’t letting it just fly past me.

To my surprise, the fuzzy, transparent edges of Lightning’s silhouette returned to normal.  Still, I didn’t deem it wise to let go of Lightning’s wrist just yet.

Whirling around completely, Lighting stared me down with her most menacing glare yet. If this was a staring contest, than I would not be the one who blinked.

“I have absolutely nothing more to say to you,” she finally told me loathingly, “So for the last and final time: Let. Me. Go.”

And at that, I finally released Lightning’s hand, watching as an almost imperceptible flush of surprise resonated within Lighting’s eyes. “You know,” I said, “I would think that Etro’s half-deity warrior would be able to easily get away without even having to try. Face it Lightning. I wasn’t holding you here again your own will. The reason you’re still here right now is because you want to be.”

Lighting’s eyes widened briefly, only to narrow into slits a few seconds later. Her usual displeased frown deepened. “You’re delusional.”

I laughed, “Hey, I’m not saying that I’m not. Hell, I’ve been saying the same thing to myself for the past year.” I shrugged, “It’s still to be determined.”

“Great,” Lighting replied, deadpan, “I’ll leave you to figure that out by yourself then.”

“L-Lightning,” I called her, my desperation to keep her from leaving me again rising in my voice. “Please, Light. I don’t want you to go—”

“I can’t stay—”

“—Then just stay long enough so we can talk about whatever it is that we have between us.”

I exhaled anxiously, still disbelieving that I had actually said that aloud after trying to shut it out for so long. My heart was pounding to the point of dysfunction, barely getting an oxygen from my lungs, which also seemed to be failing. I tried to gauge if my words had had any effect on lightning, anything even remotely close to what it was I was experiencing. But she seemed just as stoic as always. Or maybe not. Maybe there was a flush of color on her face and a widening of her beautiful eyes like a deer trapped in the headlights.

Or maybe that was just a side effect of the poor supply of oxygen I was receiving.

I saw Lightning shake her head dismissively, “Snow, I already told you, there’s nothing to talk about because there is nothing between us. Don’t make me have to say it again—”

But I didn’t let her finish. Exhaling a breath I wasn’t even aware I had been holding, I took a step closer towards Lightning, closing the space between us. In just one small move, the sparks of electricity I had felt the last time we had been together returned, and in full effect. Boldly, I held Lightning’s eyes, watching their color darken as my reflection filled them. Her eyes kept shifting, darting back and forth as if she couldn’t decide where to look on my face, and I watched her take a small, nervous sip of air.

Recovering, Lighting shook her head, forcing her head down as she stalked away from me without saying a word. I was right on her heels, practically ramming straight into her when she abruptly whirled around to face me.

“What the hell is that matter with you?” Lightning hissed. “This isn’t just some game. You’re marrying my sister!”

“Yes,” I replied defiantly, although inwardly my heart was groaning in pain and guilt. I tried not to succumb to my guilt and sorrow, but I knew it was soon the only emotion on my face. “Lightning, yes I know that, you…I—” I temporarily had to stop because I felt my voice on the verge of cracking. Swallowing, I took a deep breath and started again, my attitude firm and severe. “Lightning, if you think that I am taking any of this lightly, then please think again, because that is the last thing I would ever do. To you, or to Serah. To anyone for that matter. Do you really take me for that kind of a person? Honestly?” I stared into her eyes waiting for her to respond.

She didn’t. But she held my gaze, her eyes frozen within my own very intense stare.

“You don’t have the slightest idea how I’ve been feeling this past year, Light,” I went on, my voice more emotional this time, “No freakin’ idea. I’m completely torn apart and I have no idea what the hell I’m doing anymore because I’m just so lost! I kept calling for you, because I thought maybe a small part of you cared. Was I wrong about that, because I honestly can’t make sense of much else. My feelings about Serah, this whole engagement. None of it.”

Lightning still didn’t say anything, but was I mistaken or did I see something that resembled my own guilt on her own face? Just like everything else, Lighting’s guarded face was so damn ambiguous, and I didn’t know how I was supposed to feel or think about her anymore. In my head was that damn kiss. Everything in me was telling me that this was a terrible idea and I should stop right now, but at the same time everything in me was screaming that this was good and not to stop. Could I stop even if I wanted to? Staring into Lightning’s spellbinding aquamarine eyes, I wasn’t too sure.

Shaking my head, all the grief and anger of the world filled me in that instant. Why? I thought, still shaking my head, why couldn’t I have met Lightning first?

Exhaling painfully, my entire heart and body sagged in defeat as I spoke again. “Listen, Lightning… we need to figure out what we’re going to do... about us.”

Lighting’s expression suddenly looked especially apprehensive and she frowned, shaking her head for a moment before steadying her eyes on me. “Snow, there can’t ever be an us, and you know why.” She paused and then went on. “There’s nothing to figure out. You’re marrying Serah like you promised, and you’re going to have to find a way to shut whatever your feeling for me off.”

Misunderstandingly, I shook my head. My ears had heard exactly what she had said… But to my heart, her mechanical instructions made absolutely no sense.

“How?” I implored her, still completely perplexed.

Lightning adverted my gaze and exhaled. “You just have to Snow. You told me that you would do whatever it took to help Serah, and now’s you chance to do prove what ‘whatever it takes’ really means.” She looked up and met my gaze forcefully, but her voice was quiet and solemnly encouraging, “You just have to shut those feelings off.”

“And what, that’s it? That’s it?!” It seemed so overtly simple the way Lightning talked about human emotions. But I knew for a fact that emotions aren’t a switch that can be turned on and off by command.

She shrugged, lowering her gaze again. “Yes. Just forget all about me and that kiss. Pretend like it never happened and that it meant nothing. Like I was never in the equation at all.”

But now she was asking for too much. “Lightning I—I can’t do that.” I shook my head with quiet anger, and when I stopped, I stared at her, watching as she studied something immaterial to the side of me. Dammit! I wished she would just look at me and cut the crap already!

Lightning’s solemn voice then filled my ears, her words sounding almost far-off and mystical. “I’ll stay away, and I’ll do my part to help you forget. But I need you to hold up your end as well, and not let Serah down. If you care about me at all, then you’ll do exactly as I am asking you right now. You can’t forsake her.” As if she couldn’t make the pressure building in my chest any worse, she did. “She needs you Snow… And I do not.”

Paralyzed in heartache, my eyes were the only things that followed Lightning as she walked away from me. With her back still turned, I heard her far-off voice echo faintly through my mind as she faded away:

“Goodbye Snow. Take care of my sister…”

************************************************************************
Lightning:


From Valhalla, I could see everything.

I could see my sister Serah and Noel battling their way through time and deftly responding to any of the attacks and traps thrown in their paths. I could see their final battle against Caius, where they had won, and I could see as Caius forced Noel’s hand into murdering the beating heart of Etro.

What I wished with all my heart that I could unsee was the death of my sister, a vision of the future sapping the very life from her and leaving her lifeless in Noel’s arms as the Goddess’ murder caused the entire world to fuse with the Chaos of Valhalla. And there was nothing I could do to ever make that right. No way I could ever face the world knowing that I had been the one who had brought Serah to death’s door.

It was all my fault. I had been the one who had brought so much pain into Serah’s life and stolen away her life and happiness. And then there was Snow. I couldn’t even bear to think about him, but the guilt and the pain and the shame of it all was all-consuming. I just couldn’t face it anymore. There was no justice or retribution for any of the sins I had committed against my sister. And for my punishment, I became my sister’s tomb, frozen forever in a deep crystal sleep…

Until one day when I was forced to awaken again, at the end of time.




….to be continued.